A Simple Thing Called Love

woke up this morning with a splitting headache and high fever.
then helped mommy with internet banking.
my fingers and toes were so numb.
so now im wearing 2 tees and 2 long pants.
sposed to work on hmwk tdae.
but looks like i cant.
ive juz been lyng down on the bed.
even now, as im typing.
i cant even get up to brush my teeth!
okay i must be stinking so bad now.
mommy says its because my body clock is screwed.
sleeping at 5am after soccer matches and waking up at like 12 noon.
im hungry, yet i cant eat.
sheesh, its killing me.
and im stuck at hme feeling so bored.
evryone seems to be out.
anyone free juz call me okay.
keep me company. :D

19 June 2006

11:07 PM

i dont wanna do hmwk!
oh, and spain match tnite. ;D

18 June 2006

9:02 PM

back frm chalet.
1st day was basically settling in and stuff.
the chalet was damn big larh.
and old changi hospital, tgther with 2 haunted chalets was beside ours.
the person at the counter said its haunted, so yeah.
2nd day went to the haunted house with my cousins.
we were so freaked larh.
it did look like a haunted place but didnt see anyth freaky.
then celebrated my cousins bday.
her bf came and i was so uncomfortable pls.
we didnt sleep the whole night.
hung out with the guys.
nope, i wasnt engaging in the conversations.
i was admiring the oh-so-handsome malay guys beside our chalet. :X
then 3rd day did nothing much.
practically slept throughout.
then came back.
im gonna be so alone!
no one to watch soccer matches with me in the wee hours of the morning!
anyone watching the world cup matches alone, call me okay.
thats it then.
tataz.

16 June 2006

2:28 PM

just woke up. -yawns
watched soccer till 5am then slept.
england match ystrdae was so good man.
i enjoyed it so bloody much.
first 80mins was so frustrating.
england hadnt scored.
i was driven to tears as i watched in anguish.
lampard missed 8 shots!
and owen wasnt playing well.
juz in case pple dont know, owen is my childhood sweetheart.
from the age of 10, ive been nuts about him.
then crouch finally scored.
and i swear i was jumping arnd like a mad gurl.
and then gerrard scored again.
i knew they will make it.
i'll never give up on them.
and beckham said tht the goals are for england fans!
okay im being crazy.
anw im going off to chalet now.
will be back on monday.
chao pple.

14 June 2006

12:08 AM

IM MOODSWINGING LIKE HELL.
~~FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.~~

10 June 2006

4:33 PM

im having a bad day.
tskk. :/
watched the soccer match ystrdae.
i cant wait for the england match tdae.
im so excited!
i love england man. <33
im getting along not very well without her.
how can i be so careless?
so careless as to juz give her such a huge place in my life?
avoiding her for a while is an awesome idea coz its working.
yupp. :D
so we can be friends again after this whole issue i hope.
but how the hell do i start talking to her again?
tell me she'll make it easier please.
honestly, i dont like her mixing arnd with some pple in crescent.
but its out of my control really.
i juz feel that CERTAIN crescentians can really CHANGE pple for the worse.
esp her man.
moreover, G's on okay terms with her now.
lessons ystrdae was good.
the only lesson i went for was hers. (;
she said my name on the microphone larh.
and that got me so hyper.
it was by accident actually.
but the fact that she said my name accidentally sorta tells me that she was thinking abt me. haha.
then i was stretching and she thought i raised up my hand.
she gave me this shocked look, nevertheless still beautiful.
LOL.
okayokay, so now, i do not LOVE anyone or have feelings for anyone.
which is good. :D
and dont forget to watch the england match tdae aitez?
but no admiring owen or gerrard or i'll gorge your eyes out, shitface.

08 June 2006

9:56 PM

what do i say?
im like really sad now.
i havent msged her for quite some time now.
and when i logged on the net and saw the thing she sent,
i dnoe why but it juz made me feel worse.
im feeling terrible now, i swear its like TERRIBLEHORRIBLE.
i have feelings for her man, i knw it.
and im trying to control my emotions.
i asked her a ques juz now.
i knew the answer but i wanted to hear it from her.
that will remind me of the harsh reality.
and true enuff, it was juz like i expected.
haiz, i dnoe larh.
and guess what.
shes not letting go afterall.
aiya fck it larh.
seriously, things hv been really bad.
and i badly need someone but i cant open myself up.
i used to talk to her when i was down.
but she doesnt care and she never did.
i cant refer to her as b4 coz she knws its her mann.
how i wish RIS was here to give me advice.
but no, he isnt here too.
tskk.
school tmrw.
im definitely going.
hope that at least she will cheer me up.
but the sad thing is, im gonna be limping.
cheer me up sweets. (:

07 June 2006

5:07 PM

been doing lots of reflection these days.
rmb what RIS said, to reflect on things.
and i truly feel that my mind, body and soul isnt at peace.
its like some kinda things rushing thru me.
its hard to put it in words.
but one thing's for sure.
im juz not at peace.
ever since i returned frm OBS,
everythings been changed.
i no longer feel the happiness and carefree-ness like before.
after so long, i feel really unpretty and not loved.
and its because i always fall for the wrong pple.
and its also because ive never given a chance for the pple who love me.
instead, i go for the pple who will never love me.
like nerds (eg. #26), judgemental pple (eg. G), tchers (eg. HER), so on and so for.
i used to have feelings for G.
but now, ive chosen to let go.
coz shes quick to judge pple.
and that too, unreasonable judging.
and i knw that if i continue talking to her, i'll juz fall deeper.
so ive made up my mind and im gonna avoid her for a while.
abt HER, i dnoe.
my feelings for her are not as strong as before.
and i shd say tht ONLY in her case, its more of lust rather than love.
and #26 is a totally gone case.
shes darn str8.
and im mad at her anw.
and the anger will not go off so yeah.
okay larh. i think i reflected a lot rdy.
RIS sent me a friendster msg and i guess its enuff to keep m egoing for weeks.
tskk. i miss him lots.
my charming prince. (:

03 June 2006

4:01 PM

came back ystrdae.
having difficulty adapting myself back to the environment.
ive juz been thru a roller coaster of emotions.
and my sprained ankle's hurting like fck.
OBS had its own ups and downs.
im so not gonna say it was enjoyable.
first day was okay.
did belaying and abseiling prac.
the letting go part was freaky but i did it.
then packed bags for expedition.
the bags were goddamn heavy man.
went kayaking too.
my first time.
it was fun but scary.
and i so do not have arm power larh.
the capsizing part was so scary please.
and im scared of deep waters too.
third day went trekking.
the bags were REALLYREALLY heavy.
the heaviest bag ive ever carried.
but persevered on and made it.
the campsite sucks man.
it became dark really fast.
had to pee/poo in the outdoors!
wanted to pee at night so went out with vera.
but guess what, after looking arnd, both of us rushed back into our tents.
couldnt hold it any longer so went to pee in the morn with a whole group of friends.
we had raft building.
then a dip in the quarry.
it rockedrockedrocked.
changed out of wet clothes among the bushes okay!
then trekked to another campsite.
sprained my ankle on the way.
this time it was okay.
star gazing at night was simply wonderful.
had to pee again in the wee hours.
and i saw wild boars running.
finally trekked back to camp 2.
finally we had toilets.
did abseiling.
iskandar bandaged up my ankle.
i cried larh okay.
ive got a fear of heights so what did you expect.
but he sent me down anyway and guess what.
my hair got stuck in the figure 8 and i was left hanging in mid air.
SUPERMAN CAME TO SAVE ME, LIKE SUPERMAN. ;D
he asked me, "beauty or life?"
and i cant believe i said beauty.
he was pissed larh.
reflected on it and i realised how foolish i am.
so i apologised to him and i saw that smile on his face.
then had some climbing activity which i didnt do.
coz by then my ankle was hurting like fck larh.
but i didnt really wanna tell him.
at night we had the last supper.
pple said my bad qualities was tht im too quiet.
uhm, is that a bad quality? haha.
i must be more responsive in future.
i am already, trust me.
soon the last day arrived and we parted.
to be honest, after the first day i no longer wanted to go bk hme.
i wanted to stay at ubin forever with him and my WATCH mates.
let me tell you.
i dont usually fall for guys.
he's a gem larh.
a very rare guy.
its not abt looks.
he is sensitive, caring, responsible, talented..it doesnt end.
day4 onwards i was in tears already.
coz i didnt wanna leave.
he enquired abt my ankle b4 he left.
and i totally broke down after that.
hazie came over to comfort me.
haiz. ):
i miss him lots.
its not LOVE larh.
i juz admire him a lot.
and i think he's a really nice guy.
(guys are usually NOT nice pple)
at home, i find myself wondering.
at night b4 i slept, i thought abt what i was doing at the same time in OBS.
having night circle with iskandar and WATCH mates.
in the morn when i woke up, i remembered morning circle and journal writing.
oh man, i really miss OBS though i wouldnt say it was easy.
yes, there were struggles.
but together as a team, we made it through.
with the fabulous instructor we got, we made it through.
he advised us, taught us stuffs abt life, made us a better person, helped us..it goes on.
when i left pulau ubin, i know im a better person.
im more matured now, more determined and more confident compared to 5days ago.
and trust me, it was made possible coz of iskandar.
he's the best; the best that there can ever be.
my heartfelt thanks to you, iskandar.
these 5days of my life, will never be forgotten.
but is there anyway i can relive those 5days with the same instructor and same WATCH mates?
sighs.

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